Contrary to the popular saying that grief does get easier in time, it doesn’t.
Maybe somehow it changes its form, like waves of emotions surging in, some might feel like a bleak moment of sadness while some might come crashing in leaving you on your knees, frozen in the moment and numb. 
Three years ago, I lost my mom. Though she was already suffering from a chronic illness, I know deep within my heart that things could’ve been different should COVID didn’t exist nor the restrictions and healthcare situation in the country during that time was better. But it’s not. The feeling of angst and reproach was so strong I was forced to suck it all in and move forward without allowing myself to grieve and feel my emotions.
According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
In reality, people differ in handling grief. While some may experience the 5 stages in chronological order, some may not. And I guess I am part of the odd group.
Either way, the key learning here is about embracing your emotions no matter which stage you are currently in and allow the changes brought about by grief enter your present life. Because grief changes us in ways we cannot imagine unless we actually go through it.
Loss is a permanent void inside us. I hope we all find the peace we are looking for and learn to ride the waves of emotions as they come no matter how strong they are.
